Lies, lies and more lies

You know what, I hate cough medicine. Not the taste, no. Well, yes actually, it tastes like ground up donkey balls, but it is more the promise of cough medicine that irks me. Last week I had a rather nasty cough. It was contracted in Los Angeles, transported to Ireland where I tried to cure it with late nights and drinking, but alas on my welcome return to blighty the black lung was still there. Normally I sit these things out, but life is more hectic than it used to, so I resorted to a chemist, a fiver and a shelf full of potions. I chose what looked like the most likely substance to fix said lung butter and returned to my abode where I chucked the filthy recipe down my throat. I repeated every four hours like the lies on the side the packet indicated.

What happened? Bugger all, thats what happened. It had no effect whatsoever. Instead, I took my already weakened state of health and augmented it with a regular dose of disgusting tasting, viscous, repugnant, vomit inducing liquid. Where in the name of all that is sweet and good do these companies get off selling such junk? I may as well try one of those old-wives tales solutions to such problems where you sprinkle bicarbonate of soda on your chest, bite a lemon and stand on one leg – I am sure it would be as predictable and as effective. What a load of old bollocks. I demand compensation for the mental trauma involved in gulping that disgusting stuff down in the hope of making the involuntary voluntary again.

Oh, and thanks to a kind email pointing out an image, it turns out that the trip to LA not only gave me the black lung, but the Open Source paparazzi snapped this beacon of glory:

Thats right, if my dad was Brian May, I would have turned out like that. Sorry ladies for shattering the normally handsome, manly, hunky image. Normal service will be resumed soon. If you looking for someone to blame, blame Meryl:

You can contact her at this address: Meryl, Los Angeles, America.

The shot was snapped during a pictionary competition at SCALE, which was rather amusing and run by the aforementioned Meryl. She has turned mockery into a fine art. Rest assured my vengeance will be sweet when I return to SCALE next year.

Despite such depravity I do have good news to report. My good friends in the Ubuntu Loco Community are running a Loco Docs Day on March 3rd. This is where all the juicy best practise documentation will be refined, improved and otherwise made to feel rather good and spanky. The LoCo project is growing immensely and the community is doing an incredible job. I am so proud of them all. So, get along and be a part of the LoCo docs day. :)

  • gord

    i like the taste of cough medicine! i’d drink it all day if it didn’t make me light headed and prolly die

  • http://craig.dubculture.co.nz/blog/ Plug

    You generally sound like a fairly awesome person, but you’ve hit on a damned good point. Your dad is not Brian May. If only…

  • http://blog.dickmorrell.org Dick

    Dude, get down to Holland and Barretts and get their really horrid old fashioned linctus for chesty coughs. It’s like drinking bitumen but it works, combine it with overdose of Vit C daily and some cheap decongestants from any store. Shifts even the hardest cough. Might be really old fashioned but beats any bottled crap from the chemists.

  • http://www.jedimoose.org mrben

    You want to get lemon and honey glycerol – it tastes fantastic :)

  • http://www.irmak.org Willis

    Just suffered from a cough myself awhile ago, went to my surgery and the doctor said cough medicines to absolutely nothing. Better to just drink water and wait it out.

  • rudlavibizon

    I hear heroin was a cough medicine for children. Don’t know how it tastes, though…:twisted:

  • Campbell

    No clinical evidence (but antihistamines and decongestants might be useful) http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/health/4598006.stm http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/health/3869379.stm

    You might want to try chocolate therapy instead! http://www.newscientist.com/article.ns?id=dn6699

  • Chris

    This blog finds its way into Ubuntu Planet. Please keep it family friendly and respect the ubuntu ethic or else find a way to exclude it from that forum.

  • jono

    Chris – I guess you don’t like cough medicine critiques? :P

  • http://neuro.me.uk/ neuro

    Beechams Flu Plus. They rock.